The thought of letting someone disrespect me has never really appealed to me. I didn’t want to be the girl everyone thought to be weak, but rather the girl everyone envied for the healthy relationship she was in.
That didn’t go as planned.
You were like a whirlwind that came into my life out of nowhere. I watched the way you would run around not having a care in the world. I was a train wreck that was waiting to happen because I assumed that love would never come my way.
You gave me your attention, your time, and the minimum effort that my poor heart saw as pure affection. Whenever I would look at you, I would see the potential and I genuinely did think that the potential was worth my while.
How naive I was. Now that I look back on that period of my life, I can finally see that I was ultimately and utterly wrong.
So, you must be wondering where all that adoration went. You saw the way my eyes would sparkle when I would look at you and the way my smile would grow whenever you gave me an ounce of your attention.
All of that is long gone now.
What happened to that cute girl who held onto every word you said? Well, she realized that she settled for so much less than she deserved.
The first time I realized that I lowered my standards for you was when you came home and you just went to bed. You didn’t want to tell me where you were nor did you care to explain why you came home so late.
You couldn’t even bother to give me a hug. At that moment it hurt to know that I was ready to give you this tenderness but you didn’t care enough to reciprocate.
I got angry at myself for not yelling at you, at the top of my lungs, just to make you understand how much it hurt. That was my first sleepless night during our relationship.
The next time I felt disrespected was when you didn’t even look at me. Your friends were there, and you were having the time of your life, while I was sitting in a corner not feeling comfortable enough to talk to anyone. I was an outsider, completely alienated from the people you loved.
I felt like crying that entire night because I thought that the man of my dreams could never leave me hanging. The standards I set for myself were so much higher because you were the most important person to me – I would’ve never done that to you.
You called me dramatic and a crybaby. You said that I was nothing more than an attention-seeker who couldn’t handle social interactions.
That was the second time I couldn’t sleep because I was so bothered by your words. I wanted to change, but I didn’t know if I could.
Between those situations and the final straw, I didn’t want to bother you with issues that you called my insecurities. I didn’t feel insecure; I felt disrespected.
I didn’t think less of myself, but rather less of the person I chose to be in a relationship with.
My friends told me that they never thought they’d see me in a relationship like that. They said that I made them feel as if my standards were this holy grail of happiness that kept me safe and sound.
Now? Those standards were nothing more than a shadow at the back of my mind.
But, let’s talk about the final straw – shall we? Let’s talk about that time when you held another girl by the waist while I was waiting for you to even acknowledge my existence. Let’s talk about how I felt when you leaned in to whisper something in her ear while she became red and giddy with excitement.
While. I. Was. Watching. Everything.
That’s when I realized that I’m not interested in being disrespected by someone I lowered my standards for. What did you think would happen?
Did you really think that I was so dumb to watch it quietly and then just fall into your arms the next time you decided I was worthy of your attention?
The fury that came over me at that particular moment was blinding. I continuously asked myself what did I do to deserve this, but then I remembered that it had nothing to do with me.
I gave you a chance and lowered my standards for a boy who couldn’t keep his hands to himself. How amazing it must have been for you to think that I was nothing more than a crazy little toy, waiting for your every command.
I’m not that person and I never will be.
I had to convince my friends that you were good at heart because they could fathom what I saw in you. All the while, your friends couldn’t believe that you scored a woman like me. They were surprised, to say the least.
I can definitely tell by the number of messages I got from them, telling me that I deserve better than what you have to offer. At this point, I don’t even believe that you deserve this explanation, but I refuse to talk to you in person anymore.
My time and my attention are something you can’t afford. I lowered my standards for you and convinced myself that you were worth it, just to be met with utter disrespect.
Good luck finding a girl like me again. Your little shenanigans will take you nowhere; I can promise you that much.
I can also promise myself that I’ll never lower my standards for a poor excuse of a man like you. From now on, I’ll only settle for someone who’s able to reciprocate all the energy and love that I give.
Otherwise, it’s better if I stay alone. Being with you was really a downgrade. I’m so glad that’s over.